Breakfast Buffet Barbarians
Breakfast Buffet Barbarians at a quality hotel buffet
One of the absolute delights of being on holiday is when a quality hotel buffet is included. It gives you a chance to indulge in the type of breakfast you wouldn’t normal have at home. Your hotel breakfast buffet experience can start with fruit and yoghurt. Make yourself feel less guilty when you head for the egg station. Grab some sausages and bacon whilst your there, go on, have some baked beans and mushrooms too!
Perhaps finish off with some Nasi Goreng and a little Miso soup. But I normally eat what I take from the buffet but not so with everyone apparently
Here are a few stereotypical examples:
- The Disappearing Act
- The hotel breakfast buffet Magician
- Things that don’t belong on the same plate
- Egg Station Free For All, Oi I thought there was a queue mate!
- Excuse me, I don’t wish to be rude but do you eat Iced Buns for breakfast at home.
- You want your eggs done how Sir? Its and egg station not Fine Dining!
- When are you expecting to eat next Madam?
- It is a quality hotel buffet, not Breakfast in bed, nor is it the Summer Ball!
- Excuse me I think you are at my table, we had that one yesterday!
- In Conclusion
The Disappearing Act:
Now that is all well and good, but some people go to the extreme. Recently I was in a hotel in Bali, queuing, behind a diminutive lady. I just wanted a little water melon and there was more than enough for us both, surely there was.
My attention was taken for a second and I turned back to see she was gone. Great I thought, but oh no, The massive amount of water melon on a serving platter had manage to be offloaded onto a dinner plate and had disappeared. I had no idea the state circus was staying there.
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The quality hotel buffet Magician:
Some people seem to think that a quality hotel buffet is an allday buffet providing enough food to sustain an army all day. I believe that I have seen the entire contents of a plate disappear into a beach bag, first bakery items, followed by enough fruit for a week and tubs of yoghurt.
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Things that don’t belong on the same plate:
Well let’s think about it for a while. Would you think about putting baked beans and noodles on the same plate! Perhaps you would but balancing a Danish Pastry on top is taking it a step too far. Sausages equally don’t go well with fruit yoghurt.
Egg Station Free For All. Oi I thought there was a queue mate!
Ever been to a quality hotel buffet, innocently standing patiently in a queue waiting to place your frugal order? Only to be suddenly barged out of the way by a fat gentleman (I use that word in jest) who then proceeds to order 3 egg omelettes for his entire family of eight! You are just about to complain about there being a queue when he waddles off to the waffle maker to jump that queue too! Breakfast is supposed to be relaxing isn’t it?
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Excuse me, I don’t wish to be rude but do you eat Iced Buns for breakfast at home?
We have all seen the balancing act people do with those circular things made of pastry. How many is the world record on one side plate? One of each, sugar coated, chocolate coated, covered in “hundreds and thousands topped off with a couple of cream buns and a chocolate croissant! Is there a Guinees Book of records entry for this? There should be one, entitled “the quality hotel buffet bun balancing world record”!
You want your eggs done how Sir? Its an egg station not Fine Dining!
Now lets accept it when people are on holiday some people get ideas above their egg stations! Easy over, sunny side up, soft in the middle, runny but not too runny! I will have everything in the omelette please, but no onion, cheese or tomato and please flip it twice but definitely not three times. We know it is a quality hotel buffet, but it isn’t in the michelin guide
When are you expecting to eat next Madam?
Some buffets should have security patrols, monitoring what is on the plate and what is left uneaten. They should also potentially be checking the contents of the three beach bags whilst they struggle to leave under the weight. What amuses me is that most of them will be back for a buffet, all you can eat dinner, in about 5 hours time!
It is a quality hotel buffet not Breakfast in bed, nor is it the Summer Ball!
Now I know when you are at home you go to breakfast in your pyjamas but you are not at home for goodness sake! When you are eating with hundreds of strangers it is NOT acceptable! But furthermore you don’t need to dress up like you are going but a Cinderella style ball. Finally eating in your speedos or a thong is also not allowed OKAY?
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Excuse me I think you are at my table, we had that one yesterday!
Some people just don’t get it do they? Just because on the first day you ate your breakfast at the perfect table you don’t have exclusive rights for that spot. If you want it, get out of bed before the people that did get it, glaring at them isn’t going to cut it and it is rude.
In Conclusion – quality hotel buffet etiquette ….
Try and remember that you are an ambassador for your chosen country! Or learn another language that might fool everyone! Dress appropriately, load your plate to suit your appetite, remember that food waste in South East Asia is a growing problem. Leave your speedos for the beach if you really have to wear them there too. By all means take an apple or a cake for a snack during the day, if you abuse it expect to loose it.
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